in the defense of moving to New York

New York City is an amazing city. I remember visiting for a weekend when I was 17 with my parents just shopping, seeing the Empire State Building, and taking a ride along 5th Avenue in one of those man run buggy things. Then I came back a year and a half later to visit what would be my home for my undergraduate education, Stern College for Women, in midtown. Even after just over an accumulated 80 hours in the city I knew it was where I wanted to be. 

After my undergrad I moved back to Toronto which was not the easiest transition. At the time it was the right thing to do for many reasons. It was nice to live in a quiet suburban area, much less smelly, driving everywhere, and seeing friends I never had enough time to visit when I would come home for weeks at a time. I always felt like I never had enough time. After 7 years of not living at home, to feel settled and calm was not only enjoyable, but necessary. 

You can get home by subway or inexpensive cabs. Those two words by the way (inexpensive & cab) never go next to each other in Toronto.

A few months while I was settled, I wasn't sure where to go from there. Then I got a promotion at work to become the social media manager and there was talks of me launching a blog for them. I was doing work I loved. Part time. 6 months passed after that promotion and I realized it was never going to become my full time job there so I started thinking about my plan. Where did I want to go from here? Was I as happy as I could be?

At the same time I had a life. Well, tried to have a life. One group of my friends I like to call my "marrieds". These are a great group of friends that got married at fairly young ages, many of whom have children. Yes, I said children, as in multiple. While that's great for them, that's not the path of life I'm currently on. 

Toronto has such a lack of life for single people that your entire definition of happiness is based on your relationship status. 

Then I have my single friends and even those splinter into a two categories, and I love both for different reasons. One side is more religious and the other are not observant at all, or are extremely traditional. Personally, I’m somewhere in the middle. For the kind of man I’m looking for there just isn’t a core, central, area in Toronto where those type of people live. The rent is very high and it makes more sense for people to live at home. But when you live at home no one can go out and socialize as easily. Toronto specifically has a very happening downtown scene, sure, but how do we all get back to the suburbs? Someones gotta drive. And often, I found, that we are all on our schedules, and although horrible for the environment, we would end up taking more cars than necessary. This leads to everyone not being able to have a drink because, hey, we all gotta drive home. Whereas in New York it is extremely social in this scene to go for a drink after work, to catch up, or go party. You can get home by subway or inexpensive cabs. Those two words by the way (inexpensive & cab) never go next to each other in Toronto. Like, ever. New York’s rent might be outrageous but you’re paying for your location. 

Now, this post is not to bash Toronto. I could mention ways I love Toronto, and I think I have a little bit, what I’m trying to convey, specifically to the Jewish Toronto community, is that not every girl (or guy, but let’s face it, mostly girls) moves out of Toronto simply to get married. I know that’s what you’re all thinking. And I know it because I used to think it. “Oh, poor thing. There are no men for her here,” or God forbid, “she’s dated all the guys here and there is no one, so she had to move.” Until I became so unhappy in so many aspects of my life Toronto that I HAD to move. 

Toronto has such a lack of life for single people that your entire definition of happiness is based on your relationship status. If you’re single in Toronto you are unhappy or lost. I’m beginning to realize that that is not my fault. It’s Toronto’s. It’s our communities. This is not the singular thing that defines a person. It certainly shouldn’t define me. And I refuse to let it. So I moved. Not just because I’m single and feel like there is no body for me to date in Toronto. (Which, yes, I feel is true.) But because New York, simply put, has a thriving, large, religious, yet modern, Jewish community. I get to meet people I didn't go to elementary, high school, university, and camp with. (Yes, those are all the same circles and people.) Again, I love those people, I’m still extremely close with many people in those circles, but sometimes we need more. We need to meet new people. We need to experience new things. Why should a single girl live out an unfulfilling, boring life in one place when there is a new and exciting opportunity somewhere else? It doesn’t have to be New York, it just happens to be in my case. 

P.S. There are other reasons I moved but I think that would have to be for another time if people care.