Feeding the Deed

I know some people are annoyed with the whole "Feed the Deed" thing. They argue "why does anyone need to be nominated to do a good deed? We should just do good deeds everyday, all the time." While I agree the point is we don't do good deeds when we can. We walk by the homeless person, we don't help someone cross the street, we don't say Thank You enough to those that deserve it. Why do not do these things anymore? Lots of reasons. Chivalry is dead. We're all consumed in our personal devices. We no longer trust who is truly a homeless person in need and who is faking it for monetary gains. (Well, that's why I personally stopped giving money to people like that.)

I think there are two main, important, things that have come out of this viral sensation:
Josh Stern and Russel Citron were trying to prove that we could make something go viral for the good rather than the mindless drinking game that originally inspired the #feedthedeed.
http://www.samaritanmag.com/features/alcohol-fuelled-neknominations-replaced-feed-deed-kindness

The second, and probably the most important, is that once you go out of your way to do something go for someone else, it opens yours eyes to everyday, small opportunities we are presented with to do selfless acts of kindness.

My own Feed the Deed, which my brother in Israel nominated me, in New York, was when I went out that morning to get my regular Starbucks coffee then a Dunkin Donuts bagel. (Sorry, I think Dunkin's bagels are better but hate their coffee. Sue me!) I bought a box of assorted donuts and gave them to my doorman, the two handymen standing there, and told them to share it with any other staff.

After giving it to them I had this follow up video:

Now one week later I've noticed other small acts of kindness:
On the subway a woman with blue hair interrupted what was a peaceful ride, explaining that she was pregnant, homeless, and trying to get money for some food. The pessimist, New Yorker, jaded 21st century woman that I am partially doesn't believe her. But on the chance that she was being honest I decided to give her a dollar. While I'm a grad student living off a student loan, I have a roof over my head, that loan money in my bank account, and parents who treat me to shopping sprees, so I gave her a dollar.

Just now, a moment ago, after working for many hours at a Starbucks, I took a break to read and finish my People magazine from 2 weeks ago. (I have a subscription from the days when I was working full time.) Instead of throwing it out I saw a girl babysitting mindlessly (or seemingly mindless, no judgement) on her phone. I offered her the magazine and she was shocked and appreciative.

Would I have done this before? I'm a reasonably nice person but probably not. Our worlds have become closer together with globalization, international shipping, and Facebook. We can talk, see, and interact with people all over the world whether we know them or not. Yet at the same time we are further apart than ever; with our headphones on, our eyes glued to devices, and single apartments in large cities where you can go weeks without interacting with another human being.

Feed the Deed has opened my eyes, and hopefully the minds of others, to better see what is going on around us to everyday chances to do random acts of kindness. You don't have to be nominated, but it helps open up 1-4 people's eyes and minds to do good things for the people near and far in our lives.

in the defense of moving to New York

New York City is an amazing city. I remember visiting for a weekend when I was 17 with my parents just shopping, seeing the Empire State Building, and taking a ride along 5th Avenue in one of those man run buggy things. Then I came back a year and a half later to visit what would be my home for my undergraduate education, Stern College for Women, in midtown. Even after just over an accumulated 80 hours in the city I knew it was where I wanted to be. 

After my undergrad I moved back to Toronto which was not the easiest transition. At the time it was the right thing to do for many reasons. It was nice to live in a quiet suburban area, much less smelly, driving everywhere, and seeing friends I never had enough time to visit when I would come home for weeks at a time. I always felt like I never had enough time. After 7 years of not living at home, to feel settled and calm was not only enjoyable, but necessary. 

You can get home by subway or inexpensive cabs. Those two words by the way (inexpensive & cab) never go next to each other in Toronto.

A few months while I was settled, I wasn't sure where to go from there. Then I got a promotion at work to become the social media manager and there was talks of me launching a blog for them. I was doing work I loved. Part time. 6 months passed after that promotion and I realized it was never going to become my full time job there so I started thinking about my plan. Where did I want to go from here? Was I as happy as I could be?

At the same time I had a life. Well, tried to have a life. One group of my friends I like to call my "marrieds". These are a great group of friends that got married at fairly young ages, many of whom have children. Yes, I said children, as in multiple. While that's great for them, that's not the path of life I'm currently on. 

Toronto has such a lack of life for single people that your entire definition of happiness is based on your relationship status. 

Then I have my single friends and even those splinter into a two categories, and I love both for different reasons. One side is more religious and the other are not observant at all, or are extremely traditional. Personally, I’m somewhere in the middle. For the kind of man I’m looking for there just isn’t a core, central, area in Toronto where those type of people live. The rent is very high and it makes more sense for people to live at home. But when you live at home no one can go out and socialize as easily. Toronto specifically has a very happening downtown scene, sure, but how do we all get back to the suburbs? Someones gotta drive. And often, I found, that we are all on our schedules, and although horrible for the environment, we would end up taking more cars than necessary. This leads to everyone not being able to have a drink because, hey, we all gotta drive home. Whereas in New York it is extremely social in this scene to go for a drink after work, to catch up, or go party. You can get home by subway or inexpensive cabs. Those two words by the way (inexpensive & cab) never go next to each other in Toronto. Like, ever. New York’s rent might be outrageous but you’re paying for your location. 

Now, this post is not to bash Toronto. I could mention ways I love Toronto, and I think I have a little bit, what I’m trying to convey, specifically to the Jewish Toronto community, is that not every girl (or guy, but let’s face it, mostly girls) moves out of Toronto simply to get married. I know that’s what you’re all thinking. And I know it because I used to think it. “Oh, poor thing. There are no men for her here,” or God forbid, “she’s dated all the guys here and there is no one, so she had to move.” Until I became so unhappy in so many aspects of my life Toronto that I HAD to move. 

Toronto has such a lack of life for single people that your entire definition of happiness is based on your relationship status. If you’re single in Toronto you are unhappy or lost. I’m beginning to realize that that is not my fault. It’s Toronto’s. It’s our communities. This is not the singular thing that defines a person. It certainly shouldn’t define me. And I refuse to let it. So I moved. Not just because I’m single and feel like there is no body for me to date in Toronto. (Which, yes, I feel is true.) But because New York, simply put, has a thriving, large, religious, yet modern, Jewish community. I get to meet people I didn't go to elementary, high school, university, and camp with. (Yes, those are all the same circles and people.) Again, I love those people, I’m still extremely close with many people in those circles, but sometimes we need more. We need to meet new people. We need to experience new things. Why should a single girl live out an unfulfilling, boring life in one place when there is a new and exciting opportunity somewhere else? It doesn’t have to be New York, it just happens to be in my case. 

P.S. There are other reasons I moved but I think that would have to be for another time if people care.