The Man Mess

            I've had  a request to write about boys...guys...supposed "men." While it's a genius subject I feel ill equipped. Sometimes I think I've had enough experience for a lifetime after having been in an on again, off again relationship for 5 years. But then I look back and realize that that ended when I was 19...and I'm 24 now! And yes, my dating life has been that sparse and boring since then. Why? I have no idea. I've had crushes on different guys, been set up on dates that never even made it to date #2, but not one relationship to speak of. Recently, with a drop in my BMI I've definitely noticed more attention, or maybe it's just that my self confidence was so low I couldn't see it before.

           This subject is pretty personal to be posting about, which is probably also why it's never occurred to me to write publicly about. In fiction writing I can blur the lines between what I put on my character and what is actual fantasy. But here, on a blog, I'm supposed to be open and honest, so I will try. So I will share that there is a guy, who I've known for years but never, and I mean never thought he's ever given me a second look. He had Facebooked me a couple years ago saying some inappropriate, sexual, flirtatious, things and I thought, "this is a prank on the fat girl." I didn't often think of myself as "the fat girl" but in that moment I did. Just 7 months ago he made another comment and it was no prank. So after losing so much weight it didn't completely surprise me when he made a move. When I asked him about it he said, "what do you mean you lost weight?" I laughed, "are you kidding? I've lost almost 70lbs." "Since when?" he scoffed. He had no clue! It never made a difference to him. Some guys are so superficial that they only see you for your body, apparently so much so that it really doesn't necessarily matter what size you are. Which is sweet in a way. Yet, at the same time, I was annoyed. I look so much hotter now and a man doesn't appreciate it?! I always thought once I lose the weight, I'll find a great guy, we'll fall in love, we'll get married, and eventually lose the body I've worked so hard for (kidding!) But the rest is true.

         I've come to another realization. Some guys will never even know what I used to look like. Until they Facebook stalk me. But so why now, that I'm...dare I say... thin, I don't think I'm hard on the eyes, I happen to be fairly large breasted (although they are now a reasonable size, yay!), legs that go on forever, remotely amusing (I think), by no means am I brilliant, but not a complete airhead. So what the hell? I guess I shouldn't have thought that guys would be lining up at my door step, but I thought at least one or two. For me, I've recently been talking to different women and gathered three different types of experiences with guys and I'll share them with you:

A. The hook up. The kind where the guy is hot but you have no interest in speaking to him or attempting to carry out a conversation. This can generally be blamed on pity, hormones, or alcohol.  

B. The dating guy. Not amazing but by no means terrible. Most girls I think continue to give this guy a shot, cause why not? Maybe it will spark something. Maybe you'll eventually have feelings for him. 

And then there's C. C is the worst of all. This is a guy who causes you to think irrational, stupid things and all he did was say hello. You want to go out on a date, but he hasn't asked you out. He got your number, but ever since you always text him. Maybe he's a bad boy, maybe he's indifferent to you, maybe he's sending mixed signals. Regardless, you've now become a fool. Puddy in his hands, which is the worst place of all. 

              I shamefully don't have a conclusion for this post but if you have any shared experiences to the ones I've posted about please post a comment or feel free as always to message me on Facebook. And if you know you were thought of let me know if you think there's anything I should add!