Keep Calm and Eat Falafel

Before the NY Stands with Israel Rally: 
As a young woman in NYC I often get looks when I walk down the street on any given day. I get comments on beauty and quite a few blessings, or on a great day a combo; "God bless you gorgeous". How I feel about that is a separate post. But today, I wondered if the comments I would receive might differ because of the shirt I'm wearing. It says, "Keep Calm and Eat Falafel. Consuming Falafels since 1948." The irony is I don't mind Falafels but I do dislike chummus and tahini. Anyways, its as close to "I support Israel" on t-shirt I have, so I wore it for the rally supporting Israel this afternoon.

Regardless of what happens as I wear it and walk around the city, I cannot believe how nervous I am.

As a Jewish modern woman I don't have any physical markings of a "Jew". I wear shorts and tank tops so a long skirt and long sleeves don't make me stand out (that's not why I wear shorts it's just my preference. Again, a different blog post which you can read here) I don't have to wear a kippa like men do which differentiate them from their gentile brothers. And I don't think I look particularly "Jewish", whatever that means. No "Jew nose"? Check. So wearing a shirt that at all directly lets the outside world know that I AM Jewish is a fairly new experience, especially with such a tense situation going on overseas. People have opinions but would I feel or hear any of them today? I hope I don't. That way I can tell myself how silly I'm being for being afraid or at all apprehensive about wearing this shirt."

This is the said shirt worn on Yom Haatzmaut 2013

After the Rally:... I am so proud about what I am going to share, and what I experienced, it shocks me. While there were some second glances, of which I didn't experience any outwardly anti Semitic (maybe they were thinking it) what I did get was amazing. Once I was at the rally I not only got second glances but smiles. Then I got questions about where I got this shirt. I got laughs and the most amazing was asked by random strangers to take a picture of the shirt (more than once). I was hesitant and nervous this morning, now I was proud. Not only is it a pro Israel shirt, but a humorous one which made me happy and proud to wear it. And the shirt I brought as a back up to change in to? It stayed right there, in my bag.

Coming back to New York

Ever since I came back from spending 5 weeks of my summer in Israel I have been experiencing something I’ve never experienced before. I’ve missed Israel before, I’ve had the desire to live there and then feel guilty when I return to my cozy life in North America. But this trip, this time something is different.

Since returning I have noticed how on edge I am. How the beginning roars of a car on the busy New York street sounds like the beginnings of a siren. I immediately pause my mind waiting to hear how the sound will continue, readying my body to run. The loud noise of multiple helicopters over my building and I wonder why they sound different. How are they different? “They should be the sound of fighter jets,” I think immediately. 

It takes a moment to remember that I am no longer in Israel, but I am back in the States. I am back in New York City. And that realization has brought on a new emotion I’ve never truly felt. I no longer feel safe. At least when I am in Israel, if anyone was attacking me because of where I lived or because I’m Jewish, I would be protected by the government, by the IDF, the most elite and sophisticated intelligence in the world (I believe). An army, frankly, that gives a shit about my life. A country that would gather around the mothers and fathers of teenagers who are captured and vow to bring justice. When I was in Israel people from North America would lovingly write with concern, “is it as bad as they say? Is it scary?” Maybe I’m naive but I have every faith in the IDF and in the miracle that is the Iron Dome. In Israel you do what you have to do in that moment, then you emerge and somehow try to go on with your day. You read the tweets and Secret Tel Aviv jokes to bring a moment of laughter in all this. You can look to any person on the street and know we are all the same and all understand one another. 

But here, back in New York, in a city I have loved, even though my mind relaxes and body muscles breath eventually, I remember that there is no one directing rockets at me here, I feel more afraid than ever.